


sometimes you don't need a time turner.

by lia (londonfog_faery)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, I'm just bad at everything, I'm particularly sorry to sirius black, Lies, Lily Evans doesn't hate James anymore, M/M, Memories, Nightmares, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Potions, Potions Accident, Potions Class (Harry Potter), Sharing a Bed, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, This Is STUPID, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black, bro why are all my tags like this, eventually, exactly this, im a sucker for fluff tbh, lycanthropy, today on lia tries to incorporate 70s slang, what I'm a sucker for tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/londonfog_faery/pseuds/lia
Summary: Sixth year first day back from summer, potions class. What happens when the potion in question plays with memories, specifically when Sirius relives a memory that he doesn't particularly want to relive.I'm sorry i'm awful at summaries. But it's kinda cute tbh.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, implied
Kudos: 109
Collections: Marauders Era





	sometimes you don't need a time turner.

**Author's Note:**

> TW  
> implied physical abuse  
> child abuse  
> emotional abuse  
> :) wow  
> fun

"I'm very excited about this one" Slughorn smiled with a gleeful voice.  
Sirius rolled his eyes "I swear the bloke says that every time" he mumbled.  
"It's the first class back from-" James interrupted.   
Sirius only took potions because he wanted to become an auror to spite his parents, and, it showed. "How many more pointless potions am I going to have to brew, I'm going to-"  
"Mr. Black, do you have something to share with the class?" Slughorn turned towards him.  
Sirius plastered a charming smirk on his face "My excitement and positive attitude?" he offered with a grin. That left Professor Slughorn slightly confused, and compelled him to ignore the young mans antics.   
"As I was saying, Comem-cordial is one of the most rudimentary potions, yet, it is very powerful which is why we've saved it for your sixth year. It's almost impossible to get this one wrong. It's affect is similar to thus of a pensive or a powerful legilimen, meaning, you can see a snippet of the brewers past, unfortunately, it is not powerful enough for you to _control_ what you see, which is why it is not frequently used, seeing as it is almost impossible to access the memory you want to, anyhow, if there are no questions, please begin to brew" He said waving his hands slightly.  
"Sir" Marlene said glancing up "On the board it says to come to you for the 'association piece' what is that"   
"Ah! Ms. Mckinnon what a keen eye, of course, how could I forget. You see, the potion works best when you have something to look for. I'll be handing out small squares of fabric, and you will find the memory which is associated closest with said material. For example, even if you've never seen someone wear pink velvet, it may remind you of, say, madame puddifoots, and the drinker will see your most prominent memory from Madame Puddifoots." Slughorn explained. 

"I want to be near Lily" James hissed in Sirius' ear.   
"What, fuck, fine" Sirius dragged himself to the desk next to where Lily usually sat. Unfortunately for the both of them, Severus sat on the right meaning he was directly across from Sirius, that caused a small eye roll. And even more unfortunately, Lily was still absolutely livid with Severus for calling her a mudblood, and she sat at the opposite side of the classroom with Remus. (Peter hadn't made it in to the NEWT level potions class)  
"Can you past the snake skin please?" Sirius asked James finishing his fourth clockwise stir.  
"It's boomslang skin" Snape corrected.  
"A boomslang is a kind of fucking snake is it not?" Sirius replied. "I honestly doubt there'd be a difference between a boa and a cobra-"  
" _ignorant"_ Snape hissed. Probably true, Sirius could not care less.   
"We're meant to do six left yeah?" He said squinting at his potions book, he wasn't good with reading a lot of the time. Probably a bit dyslexic, but far too proud to admit it.   
"Six counter clockwise" James clarified, he was quite a bit further ahead, but Severus was already finished, so was Lily, god damn suck ups.   
"What the _hell_ are you doing?" Sirius laughed.  
"Padfoot, you've got to put in a hair" James replied pulling a hair out. Sirius gasped with a feign horrified expression.  
"Ahh! No, not my hair, this is the end of me Prongs, tell my parents I absolutely fucking loathe them" He said placing a hand dramatically on his forehead leaning back. Most of the people found his little performance quite amusing. Lily rolled her eyes and stifled a giggle. Severus simply looked like he'd just watched someone murder a small animal. 

A few short moments later his potion turned a perfect lilac.   
"Excellent Mr. Black, well done" Slughorn said praising him. Sirius just awkwardly smiled. He normally lapped praise up, but not coming from a Slytherin. That got a glare from Snape, Slughorn almost ignored Severus' talents at this point, just expected it to always be more than perfect.  
"How is _yours_ better than mine?" James hissed.  
"I'm just talented Prongsy" Sirius teased with a small snicker.   
  
"Now who says we play a fun game of potions roulette after adding the fabric?"   
Everyone glanced around awkwardly until (bless her brave little heart) Dorcas raised her hand.  
"Wouldn't that be a bit of a, er, a privacy breach sir?"   
"Ah, yes your right, you can all take your own potions I suppose, I expect you to all be honest in your write ups-" He added. Potion roulette was usually quite entertaining, any safe to consume potions would be passed around the room and you'd write about the quality of whomevers potion you received. It was only unfair when Severus got your potion, for no matter how well you did, there was _always_ something wrong. In his defence, James had failed him twice just for fun. But that was back in first year, things had changed. But, the mere thought of potions roulette with memories involved gave Sirius a small heart attack.  
  
"I'm coming around with fabrics, just reach into the bag and pull out _one square._ If you use two you will confuse the potion-" He said with a laugh as if it were somehow funny.  
  
Remus reached into the bag and sighed when it was a red linen. Same fabric that used to be on their duvets in first year, meaning he knew he wouldn't have to be the wolf. Lily went in next and furrowed her brow at the pink lace. That would be a hard one to place, not many people wore pink lace. Sirius was counting down until it was his, he wasn't really worried, it was a fucking piece of fabric. Marlene pulled out a small piece of towel, Dorcas had a thick cotton material, Valeria Burke pulled a bright yellow microfiber square, she blushed slightly, probably thinking about her hufflepuff boyfriend, Fable Greengrass pulled out a black polyester. James grabbed a red sweatery fabric, it immediately reminded Sirius of the quidditch pullovers. He reached in, and pulled out a small square. Glancing down he flinched slightly. Black silk. How fucking funny. Just perfect, what were the chances. Apparently, they were never in his favour. He was staring at the fabric bottom lip trembling slightly.  
"Pads" Remus was right behind him suddenly "you okay?"  
He realized he'd been standing there staring at his little square of fabric for almost twenty seconds. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but it is to be frozen in place.   
"Yeah" Sirius laughed "just zoned out a bit I guess" The moment Remus was out of ear shot he turned to James "trade with me" He hissed. James nodded and was handing the fabric over.   
"Boys!" They heard Slughorn click his tongue at them.  
"Just quick grab it-" James hissed but it was too late someone else had placed the little square of fabric in his potion for him.  
"Seems that your were struggling, I figured I'd help" Severus sneered.  
Sirius wanted to tear him apart but, alas, he could not afford another detention for physically attacking one particular greasy haired slytherin, and he definitely could not afford a letter home, hell he didn't even _live_ there anymore but it was still considered home at least to the school, and Merlin knows how much he could not afford another howler at breakfast.  
"Mate, just trade couldrons" James offered.  
Sirius shook his head. "don't want you to see this" He said with a suggestive smirk, that would've convinced anyone nearby that his memory had something to do with lingerie.   
James gave him a little gag look "I don't believe you but-"  
"You wouldn't want to see this-" Sirius said with a snicker. He was suddenly glad Lily and Remus were at the other side of the classroom, what would he do if Remus thought he- wait, why did that matter, it didn't.  
  
Around the room the steam billowing from the potions were different colours. Severus who'd had a small floral printed courduroys was billowing the same shade of green as Lily's eyes. James' was emanating golden smoke, Remus' was grey, Lily's was red, Sirius' was black. He braced himself for a fun adventure.   
  
"On the count of three" Slughorn coaxed "One, Two, Consume!"   
  
Sirius obliged bringing the spoon to his lips and sipping a tiny amount of the potion. He figured the more you drank the longer you'd be stuck there.   
  
Grimmuald Place. As expected, although he couldn't see his mother anywhere. He felt shorter than usual, he glanced down and noticed his tiny socked feet furrowing his brow he realized this memory was _not_ from over the summer. He was prepared for that memory, he had no idea what this was. When he glanced up he noticed a mirror. His face was tiny, and round. His grey eyes were sparkling and the size of moons. His hair wasn't long, I mean, it wasn't short but it was just around jaw length at the time. He must've been five years old, maybe a little older or younger. He heard foot steps storming towards himself, his instinct told him to run, but he was stuck in the memory, reliving it, not observing, he was _reliving_ it. He turned around and backed up at the sight of his raging mother slamming into the mirror shattering it to pieces. A chunk flew down ripping his pant open and cutting his leg. _Oh, that's how he got that scar, cool._ "Sirius Orion Black-" His mother inhaled sharply. Sirius darted trough the arch way and onto the other side at the sight of his father. Walburga came around the corner and knelt down to his height. "Look at me little Star" She muttered. _That fucking nickname, last time he was called that in school he punched the little fucker, they evidentaly didn't know why, but nobody called him that again._ "You want to make Mummy proud yes?" She said in a weird-soft voice that was definitely not natural for her. Little Sirius nodded his tiny head in a yes. "Mummy and Father care about you okay Star? You just need to learn right from wrong" She had her hands rested on his shoulder in the moment. "And what you did was wrong, and we need to fix that, it's not because we don't care about you" _Not even then, as practically a toddler did the word love escape her lips._ Sirius nodded. "So you're going to take your lesson like a big boy, and you're **not** going to disappoint us again, do you understand?" Back to her cold self. Sirius nodded tilting his head upwards.   
"Sirius" His Fathers voice was present. "Don't forget that boy's don't cry, do you need to learn two lessons today?" Sirius shook his head violently wiping his eyes quickly trying to stop tears from falling. "No sir" he whispered.   
"Good boy" his mother said from the back. Sirius felt a firm hand on his shoulder.   
  
Remus was sitting awake on his bed, third year, Sirius was sitting across from him.  
"Sorry for teasing you about the boggart thing" he mumbled looking around.  
"Yeah, it was stupid, you didn't want to see yours either" Remus replied.  
"I already know what mine is, we've got a boggart in our attic" Sirius shrugged. "Bella used to lock me up there until she found out it was just my father anyways" He laughed awkwardly. At the time Remus really did not understand what he'd said so he'd just awkwardly laughed.  
"So we're good?" Sirius added glancing up. _Merlin, he was so innocent and young, his eyes were wide and sparkling._ Remus was clinging to the linen duvet cover running circles in it.   
"Yeah, we're good" He laughed.  
Sirius glanced down at his hand "I hate the sheets, they're really scratchy" He laughed.  
"Yeah? I didn't notice, but a change would be nice" He shrugged.  
"I heard the older brunette- what's his name- Frank? yeah Frank, Frank said that you get new decor in fourth year, it's going to be weird being in a different room you know" Sirius mumbled glancing around.   
"yeah, I guess so, are you ready for vacation?"  
  
"Lily! You got your letter!" Severus grinned rushing over to her.  
"I did get a letter!" She smiled back twirling slightly. Her floral shirt tucked into a pair of jeans. She rarely wore pants, it was a fun vibe. "I'm excited Sev! Nervous- but excited" She added with a giggle, her red hair flowing down her back. "Do you reckon I'll be in the same um-"  
"House?" Sev offered.  
"Yeah, house, as you?" She laughed.   
"Yeah, yeah, definitely, or at least I hope so" Severus smiled with a small shrug.  
"Even if we're not we'll be friends right?" She added sounding slightly worried.  
"Of course Lily, it's you and I"  
"You and I against the world" The newly turned eleven-year-old grinned.   
"Deal" Severus smirked putting his fist out for one of those muggle bump things. _All lies, Evans was gone, he'd lost her.  
_"anyways" Lily smiled.  
  
"Sirius!" A voice screeched, but it was no longer his mothers. He opened his eyes groggily. He was lying flat on his back in the potions classroom. He lay there for a second blinking the grogginess out of his eyes. "Sirius are you okay?" He heard a voice, James' voice, it was full of worry. Sirius awkwardly nodded sitting up. "I- I think I did my potion wrong" He laughed awkwardly. "I don't remember being in a memory" he added.

"adds up" Snape muttered catching a look from Potter that said 'I'm going to hex the hell out of you later'   
"Yeah, maybe something was off, are you feeling okay?" Remus asked narrowing his eyes slightly.  
"Yeah, yeah, I feel fine" Sirius lied. "Just my head hurts a bit" He added.  
"Should you go to the hospital wing?" Lily asked crouching next to him, that received a look from Severus and Lily noticed, and proceeded to check his forehead for a temperature just to milk the effect.  
"I dunno, maybe" He propped himself up on his elbows taking in the scene. Everyone was surrounding him, except the professor who was awkwardly sitting and staring. He could feel tears from the memory in the back of his eyes. The lump in his throat was growing. "I think I'm going to be sick-" He choked standing up and darting out through the crowd around him towards the common room. He wasn't going to be sick he just couldn't be seen freaking out. On his way out he took extra care to knock his potion over spilling the contents on the floor so nobody would test it or some shit. It wasn't logical, but it made sense in the moment.  
  
  
"May I go make sure he's alright?" James asked tentatively.   
"Mr. Potter, I'd say yes but I'm afraid I can not trust you two alone, Evans- oh wait, sorry, perhaps Lupin could go-"   
Remus nodded grabbing both of their bags and heading out the door.   
He'd grabbed the map from James' pocket and noticed Sirius wasn't in face getting sick in the toilets, yet he was up in their dormitory.  
  
"Pads?" Remus whispered, no response. "I know you're here, I've got the map. Sirius made a little noise to indicate his location. He was curled in the small space between his bed and the bedside table.  
"You okay?" He asked cautiously sitting down.  
Sirius nodded "yeah, just feeling a little sick from the potion"   
Remus exhaled slightly "Remember that time you got mad at me because I told you that I wasn't having nightmares about the wolf, but it was a lie-" Remus started.  
Sirius mumbled something that sounded like 'irrelevant' or 'oh no'   
"Anyways, this reminds me a lot of that-" Remus continued softly.  
"Rem, no, It was a botched potion-" Sirius laughed.  
"Sirius, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone, but the memory I visited was short, I saw you collapse, and your head was thrashing around, and you were mumbling incoherently, don't bullshit me with 'a botched potion' Slughorn told you it was practically perfect-"  
"Rem, I don't know what happened, but it was some sort of weird accident, I'm not sure if-"  
"Pads, ...you said mum" He said biting his lip slightly, he didn't want to mention it but Sirius was being reluctant to accept comfort, as always, classic Sirius. One time during a thunderstorm, despite being scared shitless by it, he refused help because he was 'the oldest' and it was 'childish' and 'stupid' to need comfort over 'an irrational fear'. Which was slightly hypocritical because in first year when James was still scared of the dark Sirius made sure he knew it wasn't silly, or babyish, because even if it was considered irrational, it was real to James and that's what counts. Sirius was weird about the whole comfort thing. It made sense, he was an older brother in an abusive home.   
Sirius placed the top of his head against the wall and gulped, if Remus didn't know him any better he looked like he was about to cry.  
"Look, maybe I _was_ in a memory, but everything went fuzzy, and I woke up on the floor, I don't remember anything, earnestly my head hurts, and maybe I _was_ mumbling stuff, but I have no idea why or about what." Sirius snapped bringing his head off the wall to make eye contact with the werewolf "So I'm going to go back to class because there are six minutes left, and I need to know how long the write ups going to be"   
"If it didn't work you don't have to-" remus exhaled because Sirius had already walked past him and was headed down the stairs. 

"Mate you okay?" James asked when he sauntered towards him and Peter in the hallway. "Where Moony"  
"Moony's being pissy, and I'm fine" Sirius shrugged.  
"Thank god, could not have two of my friends in the hospital wing at a time-" James laughed lightly propping an arm around his shoulder.   
Sirius tensed up at the contact slightly "Oh, full moon coming?" He asked in a hushed voice.  
James nodded "Three more nights"   
This caused Sirius to bark out a small laugh. "You thought I'd be in the hospital wing for _three_ nights did you?"   
James rolled his eyes "no but we need you, tippity top for Rem, it's moonsutration he needs his pads" James snorted at his own joke, Sirius _did not_ laugh.   
"Fucking hell, neither of us think it's funny when you say shit like that-" Sirius said stifling a chuckle (mostly at James' stupidity)  
Sirius suddenly felt guilty. Remus had been trying to help and he'd totally lashed out at him. Oh well..?   
"Where is he actually?" James asked.   
"probably ranting about me to Evans somewhere in a corner" Sirius shrugged.  
"He spends _a lot_ of time with her lately" James said pulling his arm back from Sirius' shoulder and holding on to his satchel. They were headed to the great hall for lunch. It made James so jealous, but he was trying so hard to just be his friend.   
"He's _not_ into her" Sirius said defensively. "He can't be"  
"Don't get _your_ panties in a twist, This is rightfully my place to be annoyed" He snickered.   
"What was your memory?" Sirius asked randomly.   
"First time we won a quidditch match" He smiled. "you?"  
"Bro-" Sirius laughed.  
"Oh right- I don't want to be imposing or anything, but are you sure that you botched the potion because you seemed really agitated with the silk and-"  
"Yeah I'm sure" Sirius cut him off quickly. "Jesus you both are pestering me about it, like shit man, I'm fine" Sirius sighed. James had become increasingly worried about him sense he showed up at his doorstep mid July.   
"Just making sure" James sighed slightly.   
Sirius exhaled with a small eye roll.  
  
"I'm starving thank god" Peter mumbled shoveling food into his mouth.  
"Sirius you good?" It was Marlene walking in with Dorcas, Lily, and Remus.  
"Yeah I'm fine" He mumbled beginning to eat faster so people couldn't ask him questions.  
"Did you see Madame Pomfrey?" Lily asked sitting down.  
It was good to know remus wasn't narcing him out to the girls, he shook his head, and swallowed "No I Just needed to be out of that stuffy room" He said with a charming little chuckle. God he was so smooth, Remus thought he'd be a real casanova if he'd ever had any interest in sweeping girls off their feet. He said he was too occupied trying to disappoint his parents to get a gal. He totally could, he was a stonefox.   
The girls nodded and began eating.  
"Do you think if you were to drink someone elses cordial you'd see it as an omnipresent figure, or would you _be_ that person?" James said between bites.  
"You'd probably be them" Lily replied reaching out for her tea.   
"Augh do you always have to talk about the one class I'm not in?" Peter piped up.   
"Okay ummmm so, quidditch" Lily said "Potter you better win the game against Slytherin next week I've got a couple galleons on you" She smirked.  
James smirked cheekily "maybe I'll just lose it on purpose so-"  
"Don't even fucking dare" Lily smirked.  
"Speaking of dare we should play truth or dare sometimes soon again"   
Sirius rolled his eyes at this "That did not end well for us last time"   
"That's because you always pick dare, and after a while we run out of ideas" Marlene pointed out.   
Dorcas gave her a little pout "Ouch, words can hurt"   
"It's not very Gryffindor to always choose truth" James said with a pointed glare at Remus. Remus shrugged a small smirk tugging at his left lip.   
"I'm not risking another detention-" James said with a sigh.   
"You haven't gotten one yet this year, it's the first fucking day back-" Peter furrowed his brow.  
"Well my parents told me if they got a letter from McGonagall within the first four days there would be 'consequences' and earnestly I don't want to disappoint them you know"   
Sirius made a small noise, barely audible, but Remus' heightened senses caused him to glance over at the smaller boy.   
"I honestly don't know if you _can_ disappoint Euphemia and Fleamont" he smirked "I essentially _destroyed_ your kitchen and all I got was a 'oh don't worry' " He added. Peter and Remus knew he was at James' because he'd sent rushed scribbles over letting them know his state of being, which is what lead Remus to forgive Sirius for the incident, it wasn't really retaliation, but he couldn't neglect his best friend for being impulsive forever.   
  
Lily glanced at Dorcas and Marlene, who were equally as puzzled.  
"I stayed at James' this summer" He explained briefly. "For most of it at least, a lot less boring then usual" He smirked.   
"T'was very eventful" James added.

Regulus walked into the hall and made an awkward lingering eye contact with Sirius, it caused him to flinch awkwardly.   
"I didn't do my transfiguration homework I'll uh, catch ya on the flipside" he mumbled standing up.  
"He seems off" Lily commented as he left. Remus and James exchanged a small glance.  
  
  
As the full moon approached, the amount of sleep Remus was getting each night decreased (immensely) He was lying in bed when he heard rustling noises coming from the bed to his left.   
  
"Sirius?" He whispered. No response. This felt like deja vu. "Pads, I know you're awake, I can _hear_ you holding your breath" He snickered. Still no response. Remus stood up and walked towards his bed.  
"No- don't wait-" Sirius' last second plea was in vain as the curtain swung back. His black hair was stuck to his forehead and his neck, he was taking quick breaths and looked like he'd been crying.   
"Fuck" he mumbled.   
"Nightmare?" Remus asked quietly.  
Sirius rolled his eyes exhaling slightly. "Just _fuck_ off Lupin, I didn't ask for your help, I don't-" his voice trailed off slightly.  
"Is this about whatever happened in potions-"  
"For the last time _nothing_ happened in potions and" Sirius snapped whispering, his breath got caught as he tried to speak causing him to do one of those forced double breaths. Sirius tilted his head up against the headboard.   
"Yeah, fuck, fine, yeah" He mumbled awkwardly.  
Remus awkwardly kneeled on the foot of his bed.   
"It's almost worse that it wasn't recent" He whispered glancing up. Remus nodded.   
"Do you feel that way with the wolf stuff?" Sirius asked shakily his jaw was clenched slightly.  
"I don't remember most of it from when I was little, but I know what you mean" Remus offered a sympathetic smile.   
Sirius didn't _want_ to accept it but he felt guilty for some weird reason, he didn't like lying to Remus.  
"Moony you know how you kind of block stuff out" he whispered. Remus cautiously nodded. The boys had assumed (more like hoped) that his home life was *okay* before he was sorted into Gryffindor and went out of his way to piss them off. Remus couldn't fathom being able to hurt the boy in front of him. He looked a lot younger in the moonlight. His eyes were wide and glazed over, Remus had never realized how perky Sirius' nose was.   
"I just hated-" He tilted his head back again. Remus decided that this was probably his preferred method of stopping tears, or plausibly just calming down.   
"It's- I was so helpless and innocent? I don't know, naive maybe" He mumbled.   
"Pads, do you wanna tell me about the memory" He asked softly shifting into a crossed-legged position.   
Sirius looked forwards, he seemed conflicted, like he wanted to talk, but was almost afraid.   
"you can tell me anything okay? You can trust me-" he added quietly.  
Sirius inhaled slightly, his breath was getting less shaky.   
"I just, I was so ready to be back in this summer, you know, I knew it wouldn't be pleasant but I could handle it- and" He paused briefly "when I was in that house again, I passed a mirror and I was maybe five or six and it just, everything was so different then- I-I was so stupid" he mumbled.  
"Why do you say that?" Remus coaxed.  
"Rem, this is fucking stupid, you go through insanely painful transformations every fucking month, and the full moon is in what? two days? It's not the time for me to be all I don't know, touchy feely-"  
"This isn't touchy-feely Pads, this about me being worried for you-"  
"Yeah that- You have bigger fish to fry, just go back to bed-" He said in almost a warning voice. There it was again, he was projecting his confusion and turning it into hostility.   
Remus gave him a long look, it briefly panicked Sirius because it almost looked disappointed, crestfallen and disappointed look similar.  
"I get it if you don't trust me because I'm a werewolf or something- but I still care about you okay?" He muttered bitterly.   
"No- wait- Moony" Sirius mumbled sitting fully up. When Remus turned around he noticed just how broken his friend looked. "Rem I just, it makes me-" He couldn't find a word he clenched his hands into fists. "I- in the memory or whatever she hugged me and said something about I don't know Rem, and I could tell I wanted it then but two seconds later I was- I- fuck" he mumbled tilting his head upwards, it was too late he was already crying. Remus awkwardly pulled him into a hug. They didn't hug much, mostly because there were unresolved feelings going both ways. Sirius grabbed onto the neckline of his shirt out of instinct, and he rested his head on Remus' shoulder.   
"this is pathetic" Sirius said with a laugh between crying.   
"No it's not" Remus laughed pulling him tighter. "Sirius, it's not pathetic-"  
"I was having a fucking nightmare about something that happened like what, ten years ago" He muttered.  
"Padfoot, I know that you're used to being the big strong one with no weaknesses, but it's okay to take a break from acting fearless, nobody can be Pads" Remus gave him a small smile. "If people could be there wouldn't be bogarts, and misunderstandings, hell this war probably wouldn't even exist, but you're pretty god damn close, and it's admirable, but nobody is afraid of nothing and that's okay Pads." Remus didn't really know where all of that came from.   
"Thanks" Sirius whispered.   
"You should go to bed, you need rest-" Remus muttered awkwardly blushing as he realized how close they were.   
"Moons" his voice was tiny and sleepy. "Can you, um, stay here for a bit-" he whispered. Remus smiled softly. "anything for you Sirius" he whispered lying down on top of the covers with Sirius nestled in his side.   
  
Luckily there was only one full day of teasing permitted seeing as the full moon came right after. James was convinced that was the starting point of their relationship. It wasn't. But, it was still an important part of it, somehow. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry you read this, but thanks, please please comment anything you liked/any criticism. I"m trying to know what you people enjoy reading.lol (requests also welcome {on my tumblr too its nextdoorgryffindor})


End file.
